Why Feeling Close Takes More Than Commitment

You can be married for decades, raise kids, build a life and still feel like strangers under the same roof.

Here’s why that happens (and how to change it).

Let’s get honest:

You can love your partner deeply… and still feel disconnected.

Not just on the hard days—but on the ordinary ones.

The mornings when you pass each other like roommates.

The nights when you sit on the same couch but feel miles apart.

You’re committed, but you’re not connected.

Sound familiar?

This doesn’t mean your relationship is broken.

But it does mean something’s missing.

Here’s the truth no one talks about:
Commitment keeps you in the relationship.
Connection is what makes it feel alive.

And connection? It’s not about grand gestures.

It’s about the little things, the daily emotional deposits that build closeness over time.

I call this your Love Account.

Like any bank account, it runs on deposits and withdrawals.

✅ Deposits = thoughtfulness, appreciation, laughter, patience, touch, encouragement.
🚫 Withdrawals = snappy comments, disinterest, distraction, forgetting to follow through.

One or two withdrawals? No big deal.

But too many without enough deposits, and the account runs dry—and so does your connection.

And here’s where it gets real:

When your Love Account is high—maybe an 8 or 9 out of 10—those little irritations don’t rattle you.
But when it’s low—say a 2 or 3—those same moments feel personal. Sharp. Sometimes unbearable.

You start reacting to the past instead of the present.
You stop turning toward each other.
And you start wondering: “Is this all there is?”

But here’s the good news:
You can fill your Love Account back up—starting today.
You don’t need a couples retreat or a grand apology tour.

You need intentional moments of connection, tailored to where you are now.
Because here’s the thing—what counts as a “deposit” evolves with you.

Maybe it used to be flowers.
Now? Maybe it’s doing the dishes without being asked.
Or putting your phone down and giving 10 minutes of your full attention.
Or saying, “You’ve been carrying so much lately and I see you.”

That’s how real reconnection begins.

So ask yourself:
What would it feel like to come home to a relationship where you feel seen, appreciated, and close again?

Not just loved—but known.

It’s possible.
Let’s start there.

With love,

Carol

Dr. Carol J Henry

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For more relationship information and advice, contact me: Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, Pinterest, Instagram, or email me at carol@drcaroljhenry.com