TRANSITIONS: How MY MOVE Could HELP YOU & YOUR RELATIONSHIP

As I reflected on the move and how it played out I realized the move is a TRANSITION and, like all transitions, is full of life lessons, whether we like them or not.

We have many transitions in our life journey and how we manage them has a great impact on how happy and satisfied we are with our lives. And also how open and accepting we are of inevitable changes, both those that we choose and those that are thrust upon us. Like having children, aging parents, career twists and turns.

#1 The Lesson of “Accepting Help”

For many of us, if we learned in early life that we should be self-sufficient—even as children—the act of asking for help can feel unnatural. We may have absorbed the belief that strength means handling everything alone.

Then comes the inevitable moment of overwhelm—too many tasks, too many decisions, all coming at once.

During my move, friends saw what I needed before I did. They offered to help, and my first instinct was to say, “No, I’m good.” After all, I had handled plenty of things on my own before.

But I paused. Why was I so quick to turn down support?

This move reminded me of an important life lesson: true strength isn’t in doing it all alone—it’s in knowing when to receive. Allowing myself to accept help meant embracing vulnerability, which can be intimidating. If self-sufficiency was ingrained in childhood and needing help wasn’t encouraged, it’s easy to associate receiving support with weakness. But that belief isn’t serving us—it’s holding us back.

From a young age, I had to take care of many things by myself. Independence became part of my identity. But part of my personal growth has been recognizing when to seek and accept help. This move reinforced that lesson in a big way.

How This Affects Relationships

Do you believe you and your partner should be able to handle everything on your own? Do you ever think, “If we love each other, we should just know what to do”?

These silent expectations can become roadblocks to deeper connection. Love isn’t about reading each other’s minds or figuring everything out alone—it’s about knowing when to lean on each other and when to welcome outside support.

So, here’s something to reflect on:

• Where in your life have you mistaken independence for strength—when allowing support might have made things easier?
• Where in your life or relationship could accepting support bring more ease and connection?

Because sometimes, real strength isn’t in saying “I’ve got this” alone—it’s in allowing someone to say, “Let me help.”

#2 The Lesson that CHANGE can invite us to build up our Resilience.

Do you ever find yourself holding on to things that no longer serve you, simply because the thought of change feels too overwhelming? A common thing people tell me is, “I hate change.” And often, that resistance comes from a fear of the unknown.

But here’s the truth: Change is happening all the time, whether we like it or not. Our skin cells brush off and regenerate daily. Our nails and hair grow. Our circumstances shift. One day, everything seems to be running smoothly, and then—suddenly—the dishwasher breaks, the car won’t start, or a teenager comes home with a failing grade.

Change is constant. The question is not whether we’ll experience change, but how we’ll navigate it. And that’s where resilience comes in.

What Is Resilience, Really?
Resilience is more than just “bouncing back.” It’s the ability to adapt, learn, and grow through life’s transitions. It’s a skill we can develop—and when we do, we become more open to new possibilities, both in life and in our relationships.

When we strengthen our resilience, we become more courageous in making necessary changes. Even when the process feels uncomfortable, we trust that we’ll come out stronger on the other side.

My house was too big, and the heating system never worked well. Moving felt intimidating—there were so many logistics, and the emotional attachment to my home was strong. But deep down, I knew that staying put wasn’t the right choice. I reminded myself: “I’ve handled change before. I can do it again.”

That’s what resilience does—it reminds us of our own strength and allows us to take steps forward, even when uncertainty lingers.

How to Build Resilience (Even If You Hate Change)

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a situation because the idea of change felt too daunting, here are three ways to strengthen your resilience:

1️⃣ Reframe Setbacks as Learning Experiences
Instead of thinking, “This change is overwhelming,” shift your mindset to, “This is an opportunity to grow.” Viewing transitions as a learning process helps reduce fear and gives you more control over how you respond.

2️⃣ Practice Small, Controlled Changes
Resilience isn’t just about handling the big changes—it’s also built in the small, everyday adjustments we make. Try shifting routines, tackling small projects, or pushing yourself slightly out of your comfort zone. The more adaptable you become in little ways, the easier it is to embrace bigger transitions.

3️⃣ Strengthen Your Emotional Endurance
Facing challenges together—whether as a couple, a family, or even with friends—helps build resilience. Support systems matter. You don’t have to navigate every change alone.

A limiting belief (a belief that holds you back) that I used to have was that I should be able to do everything by myself. I used to think asking for help was a sign of weakness.

But I’ve learned that resilience isn’t about going it alone—it’s about knowing when to seek support. When I finally accepted help during my move, my stress level dropped immensely. I didn’t feel weaker; I felt stronger, more supported, and more capable.

So, ask yourself:

✅ Are you holding yourself back by not asking for help?
✅ What small step could you take today to build resilience in your life or relationship?

Embracing resilience doesn’t mean avoiding change—it means trusting yourself to handle it. And when you do, new opportunities open up in ways you never imagined.

Lesson #3  REMEMBER YOUR “WHY”

It’s natural to feel overwhelmed and anxious in the midst of a transition. When chaos sets in—the endless details, the uncertainty—you might start to question whether the change is truly worth it.

In those moments, remind yourself why you chose this path in the first place. Hold onto the vision of what you’re working toward. Reflect on the difficulties that pushed you toward this change and the relief, growth, or joy that awaits on the other side.

Your “why” is what carries you through. When doubt creeps in, return to it. Let it be the steady force that helps you keep moving forward.

What would change for you if, instead of focusing on the struggle of transition, you focused on the transformation ahead?

How does this apply to our relationships?

Think about these questions and consider writing down your answers and discussing them with your spouse:

• What things are we doing now that are unsatisfactory but we haven’t changed them?
• What could happen if we would let ourselves make some changes?
• How could we build our resilience so that we could make some changes?
• What do we want our relationship to look like in a year?  In 5 years? In 10 years?
• Do we need to get some HELP to make these changes?

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Let me know if you want some help making changes in your relationship. I’d love to help.

For more relationship information and advice, contact me: Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, Pinterest, Instagram, or email me at carol@drcaroljhenry.com

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