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Stop Dreaming and Start Doing

Do you find yourself dreaming about “What if”?

What if my spouse and I laughed together more, like we used to do?
What if we had a hobby or activity that we enjoyed together?
What if we felt like a team again?
What if we felt happy that we got to spend the next decades together?

When I ask my new clients what their goals are for their relationship, these are some of the things I hear.

And when we explore what they have been doing to make these dreams a reality, they often report “We tried for a few days, and it didn’t work.” Or, “We haven’t had time to do anything about this.” Or, “It’s just too difficult; we feel too disconnected to even try.”

Life gets so hectic, that we really believe that “there’s no time.“

You thought that as your children got older, you’d have more time, but instead, their problems got bigger, and you became their personal chauffeur.

And maybe your aging parents need you more now.

And maybe your career is thriving, demanding more of your energy and hours.

Maybe you don’t even have time to take care of yourself, let alone your relationship.

All of these things are REAL. And all of them can take up your time so that you seem to have even less time for each other.

But here’s the truth: “There’s no time” is a lie. What it really means is that your relationship hasn’t been a priority yet.

It’s no wonder that you feel disconnected. That you don’t know how you two got to this point, but it’s not what either of you want. It can feel as if you’re roommates–each doing all the things that need to be done, and then flopping down on the couch in exhaustion. Or maybe, tackling the laundry and resenting the other person flopping down on the couch.

All of these responsibilities lead to more disconnection and to the belief that ‘this is all there is’. Which leads to giving up on the idea that things can be better. Don’t let that happen.

IT’S TIME FOR DOING

Don’t let disconnection, resentment, exhaustion, and boredom take over another minute of your relationship.

Maybe you’ve tried DIY remedies that don’t work. You’ve read books, listened to podcasts, taken advice from friends. Those are all worthy resources—yet, you’re still stuck in the same place (or worse).

The missing element necessary for change is DOING the things (the RIGHT things). Taking the RIGHT actions. Consistently.

Which means for a month or longer. So that it becomes a habit. And then, making another change. For a month, longer, until it too becomes a habit.

Yes, it’s sometimes difficult. You need to do the work.

Why? So that you can start making your dreams for your relationship a reality, not just a far-off, unlikely dream.

FINDING THE TIME

Let’s look at the idea of TIME. “There’s not enough time” is a knee-jerk response that almost all of us have when we think of making a change. I’ll do it when [insert your own “when”]. But, your relationship can’t wait, if you want it to improve.

When we say, “There’s not enough time,” what we really mean is that we haven’t made it a priority yet. Think about it: Have you noticed that for the things that are actually priorities you find the time? You delegate, rearrange, or eliminate tasks to make room. Maybe you started eating healthier, meaning less takeout and more cooking. Maybe you started exercising—where did that time come from? You found it because it mattered.

When you make something a priority, you find the time.

So, if you want to change your relationship, you’ll find the time. You’ll do the work. Even if it seems impossible in this moment.

The good news is that you don’t need to (and shouldn’t) do it all at once, so the necessary time is not a huge chunk.

When you make small, incremental changes consistently, you’re working towards success.

You choose one element of your relationship and work on that.

WHAT TO DO NEXT

Pick one small step and commit to it. Here are a few places to start:

Daily 10-15 minute check-ins: Share. Listen. Learn what’s on your partner’s mind. Reconnect, even just a little, every day.
Revive an old ritual: A morning coffee together. A goodnight kiss. Holding hands during a walk.
Schedule intentional time together: Even if it’s once a month, put something on the calendar just for the two of you.

Once that habit sticks, layer on the next one. And the next. Because you’ve decided your relationship is a high priority, you’ll make the time.

That is an act of love and connection.

So, what’s one thing you can commit to this week? Write it down. Share it with your spouse. Then do it, you got this!

With love,

Carol

💌 P.S. I know life is busy, and making time for your relationship can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to figure this out alone. The fact that you’re even reading this means you care, and that’s the first step. Every couple goes through seasons of disconnect, but real change happens when you decide to stop waiting and start doing. Small, intentional actions create the momentum you need to rekindle connection and joy. If you’re ready for support, guidance, or just a conversation about how to move forward, I’m here for you. Let’s take the next step together. You’re not stuck—you’re just one decision away from a stronger, happier marriage.

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For more relationship information and advice, contact me: Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, Pinterest, Instagram, or email me at carol@drcaroljhenry.com