When I first started my journey as a psychologist I was assisting in a study of 4-week old infants.
They were shown a toy and they sucked vigorously on a pacifier for about 15-20 seconds. Then the sucking slowed down and stopped.
The infants were no longer interested in that toy.
Then they were shown a new toy and they sucked rapidly then slowed down and stopped again.
What we found was they needed new experiences to continue being interested. They wanted something new.
Like a 4-month old, our relationships are the same way.
Over time, if we’re constantly with the same person, doing the same thing with nothing new to look at or play with, we get bored.
Our relationship gets stagnant and we start to wonder, what’s wrong with our relationship when, in fact, nothing is wrong. You’re just looking for a new stimulus.
And so today I want to share with you 3 ways to reignite your romance and get those new experiences going.
Way #1 The first thing I want to teach you is how to turn mundane things into moments of connection.
Do you remember how fascinated you were with your partner when you were first dating? And even when you were first married?
In those times, even chores were romantic and often ended in the bedroom.
How can you re-capture those times?
What if you “bumped into each other” while washing and drying the dishes.
What if you both were wearing aprons and not much else?
What if you played music and danced in the kitchen?
Have you ever thought of cleaning the bathroom then showering together?
Way #2 Date night. Everyone talks about date night, and that’s because it’s so important to have fun and interesting experiences together as well as tending to your relationship.
Let’s put a new twist on date night. We’re all about new twists, right?
Instead of dinner and a movie, explore one of these questions during date night.
On this kind of date night, it’s less about what you do. It’s about the questions you ask each other that lead to deep understanding and connection.
Way #3 In the bedroom (or the kitchen, or the study…)
Here are 5 ways to mix it up that you could try.
Notice that they’re covering each of the senses.
Try one thing at a time. Then, next time, try another, and so on.
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For hearing, put on some music that you love
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For seeing, put on different sleepwear (or none?) plus a candle
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For smell, use the candle, different body wash or shampoo
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For taste—some lotion with taste or feed each other some food or a drink
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For touch—touch your partner with different objects, such as a feather, ice cube.
Bonus idea– Explore different positions, locations for love making.
I would love to hear from you, What did you find valuable in today’s blog about how to rev up your romance with your partner?
Let me know what’s one thing you’re going to try out this week, ok?
If you’re interested please grab my freebie
Spark Your Romance where you’ll learn how to make romance the focus of your relationship and overall improve your relationship with your partner.
PS: Over the past 30 years I’ve been working with couples around their romance, communication and growing together.
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