If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “Where are we going?”—not just in life, but in your relationship—you’re not alone.

In my 40+ years of working with couples, I’ve seen that the ones who thrive long-term don’t just love each other… they’re aligned. They know where they’re headed. And they’ve done the courageous, clarifying work of crafting a shared relationship vision to help them get there.

Because when life gets messy (and it always does), having a vision is like holding a flashlight in the dark.

A Vision is a Compass—Not a Constraint

A shared vision isn’t about rigid rules. It’s about values, direction, and connection. It answers the question: What kind of life are we building together?

When you’re facing big decisions—like whether to move, spend, change jobs, or even stay together—a vision gives you something outside of the moment to guide you. Something future-focused. Something grounding.

Let me show you what I mean.

Jason & Kristin: When Money Divides, Vision Unites

Jason and Kristin were house hunting—and fighting. Each had a list of “must-haves” and a different sense of what they could afford. Jason, ever the optimist, was comfortable spending big. Kristin, more conservative, was deeply anxious about financial security.

They were stuck. Frustrated. And drifting toward resentment.

That’s when they remembered their shared vision—the one they had created at the beginning of their work with me.

It reminded them of who they wanted to be: generous givers, intentional savers, travel-lovers, and parents who invested in their children’s growth. Suddenly, the housing debate wasn’t just about square footage or finishes. It was about staying true to what really mattered.

With that clarity, they found a compromise—and peace.

Ellie & Martin: Rebuilding from the Edge

Then there was Ellie and Martin, a couple so disconnected they were hovering on the edge of divorce. They felt more like roommates than partners and had lost hope that things could ever feel good again.

Still, they showed up for one final try.

One of the first things I asked them to do was create a shared vision. (They rolled their eyes.) But slowly, something unexpected happened. As they read their visions to one another—quietly, hesitantly—something softened.

There was still love there. Shared values. A future they could still imagine.

That moment became the turning point. Not because the vision magically fixed everything—but because it reawakened why they wanted to try.

Today, they are more connected, more loving, and more at peace than they ever thought possible.

Why Vision Works

Creating a vision isn’t fluffy—it’s foundational.

It forces you to reflect, get honest, and dream big. It shifts your focus from today’s annoyances to tomorrow’s possibilities. And it gives you a tool you can revisit anytime you feel stuck, lost, or at odds.

Your vision reminds you of your best selves.
It redirects you when temptations or fears take over.
It gives you language for what you’re building together.

Because here’s the truth: relationships don’t fall apart from one bad moment. They drift when we forget what we’re working toward.

Your vision brings you back.

Ready to Write Yours?

Start small. Reflect individually. Then come together to create a shared vision that speaks to who you want to become—as individuals and as partners.

And when life throws its inevitable curveballs? Pull it out, read it again, and let it guide you home.

With love,

Carol

Dr. Carol J Henry

P.S. Want a simple way to start reconnecting now? Grab my free resource “Say This Instead”—you’ll learn simple swaps that defuse tension and build emotional connection, even when conversations are hard. Just email me back saying “FREE RESOURCE” and I’ll send you the guide to print out right away!

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For more relationship information and advice, contact me: Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, Pinterest, Instagram, or email me at carol@drcaroljhenry.com