Do you argue about chores? Do you wonder why you’re still not on the ‘same page’ about whose job it is to do [ fill in any chore ]?
Let’s think for a minute what a hero does in stories.
They notice there’s something wrong.
They figure out what that wrong thing is.
Then they jump (or fly) in, and then…
They courageously confront the problem (or the villain).
What also happens often is the hero gets a bit beat up as they work out the solution.
Most Empty Nest couples start to notice that their connection with one another is not how they intended. Over the years, for many reasons, they drifted further from each other than they find acceptable now.
Suddenly the house is quiet. No kids are listening to loud music, no teenagers playing video games, no hungry boys eating everything they can get their hands on, and no kids competing loudly for bathroom time. No homework to be monitored, no driving teens around, or cars being borrowed. No piles of dirty laundry that makes the house smell like a barn. Just two adults a bit shell-shocked with the quiet and the peace. The change of energy in the home. The lack of chaos and laughter. The struggles and the sweet moments with the kids.
Empty Nest is a huge transition for all couples. Some couples have been looking forward to this time and couldn’t wait until the last child “flew the nest”. But the majority of couples find this transition time to be filled with emotions and challenges.
For us, as Empty Nest couples (and I’ve been in that place a few years ago) one of the biggest dilemmas is— now that the children have flown off to start their next chapter, what will become of us? We’ve become disconnected and maybe distant and the sparks that used to exist between us are now flickering and threatening to die out. We’ve spent so much time and energy focusing on our children’s needs, building our careers and maybe taking care of aging parents that we’ve spent little time nurturing the relationship with our partner. We’ve lost that loving, fun, and caring feelings that we used to have together.
I was divorced by the time I turned 30. But not because we didn’t love each other. We had loads of fun together and really cared about one another. But, what it came down to was, I had no clue how to be a great partner. When I was 11, my family was in a horrific boating accident. My grandmother was killed on impact and my brother was hospitalized. We never spoke about it, ever. From that experience and others, in my childhood I learned that “we don’t talk about negative things” and when I got married I brought that thinking into my relationship.
When I first started my journey as a psychologist I was assisting in a study of 4-week old infants. They were shown a toy and they sucked vigorously on a pacifier for about 15-20 seconds. Then the sucking slowed down and stopped. The infants were no longer interested in that toy. Then they were shown a new toy and they sucked rapidly then slowed down and stopped again. What we found was they needed new experiences to continue being interested. They wanted something new. Like a 4-month old, our relationships are the same way.
Add Your Heading Text Here What is it that makes some couples seem so happy? They can be seen talking and laughing when others are silent and seem disconnected. What’s going on? One characteristic of these happy couples is that they haven’t lost their sense of adventure. I’m not talking about extreme sports. What I mean is that they continue to try new things—whether it’s a new restaurant, a class that they take together, a hobby that they share or a sport that they both play or both watch. There’s joy in the variety and especially, the togetherness, learning and enjoying together. The couple that
I’m Dr. Carol Henry and I’m a relationship coach and online couples’ teacher. I have helped hundreds of couples grow their relationship from being a struggling and disconnected duo to living the relationship of their dreams. That isn’t how my relationship was some years ago, though. I got married in my 20s and thought I was with the man of my dreams. At first, we had a lot of fun together and enjoyed the life that we were building. Gradually though, things turned darker. I had many unspoken dissatisfactions and expectations, hurt feelings and grievances. But they remained unspoken. I know he
Over the last 30 years I’ve worked held between 70 to 100 sessions per month. That’s between 25,000 to 36,000 sessions with couples who were struggling to improve their relationship so that they could reach the relationship of their dreams. During those sessions I’ve heard many, many stories about how people got into the situations that they found themselves in. From that data bank of sad, and sometimes disastrous situations, I created a long list of What Not to Do If You Want A Good Relationship. I’m sharing these with you because I know we learn a
I want to help as many of you as possible to navigate this season of crisis that we’re living in and come out of it feeling connected in your relationship and personally empowered. To state the obvious, we’re living in an unprecedented time of chaos. In part, the chaos is due to changes that are imposed on us by the Corona 19 virus and by different people’s responses to it. And, the chaos is also due to things changing relentlessly, as we learn more about how long this virus might continue to disrupt our lives. What we had originally thought was going
When you have a VISION for your relationship, you have a guiding principle for how you act and the decisions you make. You can ask yourselves, “Does this decision align with our vision and goals for our relationship?” Your vision can guide you away from temptations and toward a coherent and agreed-upon course of action. Of course, you can ignore your vision in the face of a wish or need, but you do so at the peril of your relationship. Let’s look at some real-life examples of how a Vision Statement can work. Jason and Kristin Jason and Kristin wanted to
The intention is to teach couples the tools, strategies and mindsets they need to be an exceptional couple—loving, peaceful, connected and joyful.
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