3 Ways to Spark Your Connection by Valentines Day

Valentines Day—not very Happy??

February is  the LOVE month and Valentine’s Day reminders are all around us.  We’re seeing hearts, candy, flowers, cute teddy bears, cards and all the things.

For the couples who are happy, it’s great. But many couples aren’t all that happy or even not happy at all. For them, all the heart decor is a sad reminder of the state of their struggling relationship.

Maybe they feel disconnected and wonder where the romance went. For others, they are disturbingly unhappy and they feel more miserable and alone with all the LOVE reminders around them. 

Since the new year has just started many couples have begun to realize that the state of their relationship is problematic and they don’t know what to do about it. Is this all there is? Do we have decades more of this same way of living as now?

For them, Valentines Day is just another thing to stack onto the already growing pile of discontent.

Let’s turn that around NOW! It’s not necessary to continue doing the same thing in your relationship…it leads to the same outcome, as you know.

Here are three ways to spark your relationship RIGHT NOW, so that by Valentine’s Day you will have begun to see a more optimistic future ahead for you two.

#1) Ask your spouse, “How was your day?”

Every Evening—- Then, Listen to the answer. Validate what you heard. Give no advice (unless you are asked for advice).

Here are examples of validating comments:

•      Wow, that sounds hard.
•      That sounds great.
•      That sounds awful 
•      I’m sorry you had to go through that.
•      What do you need right now?

We all want to be “seen”, understood and cared for. Genuine listening and being interested in your spouse is a gift. And most people feel happy when they know they’re being truly listened to.

#2 Do one of your spouse’s chores without being asked.

• You could comment, “You can just relax this evening. You do so much. I’m going to take care of dinner.”

One of the benefits of this idea is that you are taking the initiative to do something which lets your partner off the hook from needing to figure out what needs to be done; instead, you do the figuring-out and they’re relieved of that “thinking” part of the job too. This telegraphs that you see all that they do and appreciate their effort.

#3 Take a walk and hold hands. 

Brain research has revealed that when partners hold hands their brains produce dopamine and oxytocin, both of which are “feel good” chemicals, and most of us could benefit by having more of it.

If taking a walk doesn’t work in your schedules, you could give your partner a shoulder or foot massage.

The important thing is physical touch (with no ulterior motives).  

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